Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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