I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
