Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
