Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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