and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize