its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
