I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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