this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
