I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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