So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
