Me. At least after what I've been through.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
