I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
