Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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