I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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