My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
