the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
