WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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