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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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