i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
