There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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