Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
