if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I use my feet as sexual weapons
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize