You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
