whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
