No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
