Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
