First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
