Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I supernannyed him into submission
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
