So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
