if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
