I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
