If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
is this the sara with the beer cane?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
