thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
