if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
