I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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