handjob tips. give me some.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
