wrigley field is MILF paradise
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
