i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
