Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
