chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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