I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I didn't notice because vodka
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize