Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I woke up under a house in Key West
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
