I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
