These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
