trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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