call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
They took my balls.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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