we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
