I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I think people are normalizing furries
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
