i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
