why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
