i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
