i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
