he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
