your parents love me but you hate me
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
COCAINE IS GR8
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