I can feel you judging me through the phone.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
