He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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