then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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