Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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