Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
