All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
