you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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