she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
my nose is crying tears of wow.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
