My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
