I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
