If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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