Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
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