I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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